


Espérer

by YourShadow



Series: Schadenfreude [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Almost Lover, Death, M/M, Not Happy, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:04:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1737353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourShadow/pseuds/YourShadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why do you always go for your blades when I’m around?” Eren asks Levi. The Captain doesn’t trust Eren and it hurts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Espérer

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Je ne possède pas Attack on Titan
> 
> Warning: Mort de personnage (death of character).
> 
> Listening to Vogel im Kafig while reading this will guarantee feels.

_Trust_

“Captain Levi, why do you always go for your blades when I’m around?”

He was startled by the question, hands clenching around thin air where his gear usually rested. Eren was looking at him with eyes that shone with a longing for redemption, lips downturned, almost like a pout, but knowing he would only be hurt more by the response.

“Because I don’t trust you.” Levi replied flatly. It was true. It was his job to look at this kid as an enemy, a wild dog ready to yank free from his leash and destroy everything around him. The Scouting Legion entrusted the titan shifter to Levi because they knew he was the only one who could put him down if—when—the time came. The Military Police trusted Levi to kill the kid if things ever got out of hand. The only thing saving Eren from dissection was Levi’s boot in his face that day in court.

Eren flinched, expression appearing even more wounded. He tried to search for any sign of comfort or hope in his Captain’s face, but found nothing but cold solace. Those dark eyes were hard, unrelenting, steady when facing the truth. He felt tears pricking in the corners of his eyes and looked away, not wanting to cry in front of his Captain. The man who held his leash.

“Why don’t you trust me?” he mumbled softly, wishing Levi wouldn’t hear, much less answer.

“Because you’re a monster.”

Eren winced, shrinking back. Everyone called him that. Just another man-eating titan, a killer, a freak, a _monster_. He wanted one person to say something different. He wanted it to be Levi.

***

Whenever Eren so much as glared at someone, Levi’s muscles tensed, prepared to beat him. It made Eren extremely anxious during training and practice sessions with Hanji. He couldn’t forget the day he accidentally transformed and the rest of the squad were prepared to attack him. Levi didn’t comfort him, he only comforted his comrades.

The way those eyes stared when Eren was in titan form made the boy shudder inside the sweltering heat of his skin suit. Levi was prepared, at any moment, to kill him if he took one step out of line. Eren always feared a misunderstanding, like the spoon incident. He didn’t want to die because he couldn’t control his titan form.

That’s why he trained so hard, refusing to give up, until those eyes softened, reassuring him of a future. But they never did. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how well he did, Levi never looked satisfied. Hanji could leap up in excitement, hugging him and shouting excitedly about his progress, and still Levi would simply glare at him as if it wasn’t enough. Even Erwin would give the occasional nod of approval. But not Levi. Never Levi.

He just wanted the man’s acceptance. How could he feel comfortable knowing the man who guarded him, protected him, _controlled_ him, didn’t even trust him? He couldn’t sleep at night. He tossed and turned, while nightmares of being torn to pieces by the hands of Humanity’s Strongest plagued him. He waited for the sound of footsteps, the door to his cell to open, and for Levi to stand above him, shoving a blade into his chest.

Every day he wondered if it would be his last. Would he make a mistake? Would Levi decide he wasn’t worth protecting anymore?

He was nervous about going on missions and expeditions, knowing they were all looking to him, putting all their expectations on his shoulders, practically forcing him to crash. Disappointment. That was the look in Levi’s eyes.

Eren didn’t even care if the Captain disliked him. He just wanted the man to trust him.

***

“Captain.”

Levi recognized that tone of voice. Unsheathing his blades, he turned to see Erwin. The Commander was grim, eyebrows pulled together, mouth in a set line. Hanji stood beside him, looking down, utterly defeated. He saw tears dripping onto the floor at her feet.

“It’s Eren.”

Levi nodded. He understood. It was time.

***

Eren didn’t know what happened. For all his nervousness, all his fear, he didn’t know what was going on. Everything was fine, according to plan, until…what? What triggered his reaction?

Soon he found himself clawing at the soldiers swarming around him, attacking the titans nearby. He flung one to the side, hearing the sickening crunch as the body smashed into the wall. They were going after his prey. They were interrupting his killing spree.

No, why was he thinking this way? They were his comrades, helping him on this mission. Focus, he needed to focus.

He slammed his fist onto the roof, squashing another soldier and watching the body slide to the ground. Distantly, he heard shouts and terrified screaming. Good, they _should_ fear him. He was a monster.

Wait, did he just kill…

Before he realized it, he was grabbing another soldier, bringing the man to his face. The look of horror, of distrust, angered Eren. Opening his mouth, he brought the man forward and snapped his teeth shut. Blood spurted out of the body, running along his tongue and into his throat, dripping down his chin. Bones and muscle were ground up by his teeth, tasting the marrow and grit.

***

They marched onto the battlefield, Hanji lagging behind until she simply said, “I can’t.” They went on without her as she sobbed against a wall. The rest of the squad was pulled back, except for two members.

“Eren! Stop! Remember the mission, remember who you are! EREN!” Mikasa shrieked, face wet and red.

“Fight it, Eren! You have to focus, you have to remember your training, your practice! Hanji said you were doing so well, you just have to _remember_!” Armin yelled beside her, openly crying. “ _Eren_!”

When they saw Levi stride forward, their screaming intensified.

***

They were calling his name. Dimly he looked at the destruction around him. No, this wasn’t…he didn’t do this…did he?

Was he finally losing control?

Then he saw Levi walking toward him, blades drawn. They glinted in the light.

No, he was far beyond the point of losing control. He was completely gone.

***

“No, you can’t! Give him some time, let him come out of it!” Armin begged.

“I won’t let you!” Mikasa snarled, lunging at him. Erwin caught her by the waist, holding her against him. Armin watched helplessly. “Don’t you dare! He’s my brother! I’ll kill you! I’LL KILL YOU IF YOU HURT EREN!”

“Captain, please…” Armin whispered as Levi passed, reaching out a hand. Levi didn’t stop, shooting the blond a sharp glance as he walked by. “He…he just needs time. He’ll stop, he won’t hurt anyone else. I promise…” when his pleas went unheard, he turned to Erwin. “Commander, you can’t let him do this. Eren is our only hope.”

“ _Was_ our only hope.” Erwin stated.

Eren was roaring, striking at the buildings. Steam rose off vanquished titan carcasses beneath his feet. There were three other bodies on the ground. One was torn in half. Blood dripped down the side of Eren’s mouth. His eyes were wild, golden lightning, as Levi approached.

“This is where it ends, kid.”

The crazed titan turned. He opened his maw, letting out another roar as bloodlust and rage surged through him. Levi’s blade flashed in the light. He jumped off the rooftop, using his 3dm gear to fly forward in the air. Eren swiped at him, attempting to catch the line. Levi dodged, swinging around to Eren’s back.

He wouldn’t just cut him out. They were far beyond that point. The blood of multiple human lives were on his hands, civilians and soldiers alike. It didn’t matter how the mission went wrong. The truth was it did, and now it was over.

“NO!” Mikasa shouted, fighting against the Commander. Her hand reached out, wanting to stop this, wanting to pull Eren out with her own bare hands, wanting to hold him close, pat his head.

The sound of Levi’s blade connecting with skin would forever haunt her. She screamed, which would forever haunt Armin.

He watched as Levi swung high in the air, twirling and twisting as gravity pulled him down. One slice was all it took, a deep gash on the back of the titan’s neck, to send it tumbling forward.

Eren threw his head back and let out one last deafening roar as he pitched forward, haunting Levi until the end of his days.

***

No matter how much he fought, he couldn’t stop the roar erupting from his mouth as he charged forward. More than anything did he wish he could stop himself as he swiped at Levi’s gear while the man soared around him. Opening his eyes inside the titan, he tried to pull out.

Just in time to feel Levi’s blades dig into his back. Blood spurted from his open mouth, eyes widening for the split second it took for the weapons to saw him in two.

The worst way he could imagine dying was at Levi’s hands, because of a misunderstanding.

***

Humanity’s Strongest landed on the fallen titan, steam already rising from its body. He stood next to the wound, forcing himself to look inside. He would see this image in the back of his mind, on the inside of his eyelids every time he blinked, whether awake or dreaming.

Eren, the human Eren, was ripped to shreds by Levi’s blade. There was no healing this. Blood coated his uniform, arms and legs still fused with the titan, eyes open and dull.

“I’m sorry, Eren. You’re not the monster, I am.”

The disappointment in his voice was not because Eren failed, but because he failed Eren. He lied when the kid asked why he drew his blades. He always trusted Eren, but never himself. He never thought he would be able to draw them if it truly came down to it. That’s why he was always ready.

Because he never was.

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Notes: This brought tears to my eyes just writing it, so if it doesn’t make you cry while reading, there’s something wrong here.


End file.
